New Year's Resolutions

I think New Year’s Resolutions are funny. I know a lot of people think they are stupid or pointless – I just find the entire concept amusing. Every year I have these grand ideas of what I’m going to accomplish that year – how that year is going to be THE year for doing x, y, and z. I rarely pick just one thing. I multi-task on a regular basis, so why not multi-resolute? It’s a new year! And somehow, when the clock strikes 12:01 am, I will miraculously have more time and will-power to accomplish whatever it is that is on my list.

Of course, 2 weeks into the year, I’m distracted with something (usually work), and tada, my resolutions fall to the way side. Surprise, surprise – I know there are plenty of others in the same boat. How about those 10 books I was going to read in 2010? I don’t think I read 10 books this year, and those that I read weren’t from list I made… that of course contained a healthy mixture of classics, recreational, and intellectual. (I’m a Virgo – I make lists for everything). 

Don’t get me wrong – I’ve made plenty resolutions in the past that I’ve actually kept up with. Working out regularly and running races were two separate resolutions that I have committed to for years now.  But they didn't really have anything to do with a new year – they were essentials for my well being.

So, I’ve been thinking about having a resolution this year that 1) doesn’t take a lot of time and 2) is easy to commit to. The other day I was watching a movie and someone asks the main character, “What’s your word?” She didn’t have an answer, and I realized, I don’t either. So my 2011 New Year's Resolution is to find my word. The one word that I think describes me. It can’t be influenced by what others think either. Maybe it sounds silly, but I’m going to look for experiences that will help me find *my* word. How hard can that be?

The Power of Your Beliefs

When I was with my ex-boyfriend, years ago, I remember I used to talk and dream about figuring out what I wanted to do. I would always list out what my limitations were first because that was always at the top of my list. I’ve been, in some sense, programmed to think that way. He used to always stop me, and say, “You know – you’re the only person who is stopping yourself from doing any of it. If you keep saying you can’t, then you right – you can’t. But if you believe you can – you will do it.” Ok – so maybe it didn’t sound quite so eloquent – and it usually ended in some kind of exasperation, but that was the gist.

The thing is that I have been remembering that a lot lately – what I can and cannot do. And the thing is, I can do anything. I’m not trying to sound egotistical here, but I do believe that anyone can do anything that they put their mind to. My list of what I can do keeps growing, while my list of “cannots” keeps shrinking. If you believe in yourself enough, you can take that first step into anything. 

I keep waiting for a sign from up above – as if there is going to be this perfect moment that will enlighten me and make me do whatever it is I’m going to do with my life. I’m coming to realize that it’s not about a moment that someone picks for me anymore – it’s about what I pick for myself. It’s not about timelines – ones that I keep assigning to myself – it’s about picking a moment when I’m ready to take that “leap of faith.”

And to anyone reading this – what are you saying that you can or cannot do? Are you selling yourself short? Shouldn’t you be thinking of what you can do because you can and not because you cannot? It’s just a step – a small step that you can do even if it feels like the world is working against you – that maybe it’s not the smartest thing you’ve ever done but who is really judging you? Only you. 

So I leave you with this thought – Believe that you can because the only thing that’s stopping you is … You. It doesn’t matter how hard, or how sad, or how uncertain – you’ve got to do what you need to do for you. Because after all, ultimately, if you don’t take care of you, who will?

Bathroom Etiquette

Whatever happened to public bathroom etiquette? Seriously? We are all raised to clean up after ourselves at home, right? Bathrooms included. Seat down, no messy seats, flush, etc. 

So, what happens to people when they use public bathrooms? After a few recent “run ins” at public bathrooms, I’ve come to realize that for some reason, people must lose those brain cells when they go into a public bathroom. Shame on you – your mother should be scolding you. 

So, I propose we start posting signs with written rules for people to remember the previously unwritten rules.  

1. Please flush. That means making sure all items that you have produced and used go down that little hole in the toilet. This includes feminine products, the toilet seat cover, toilet paper, etc. I don’t want to have to look at your dirty business or worse, clean up after you.
2. If you “dirtied up the toilet seat,” clean up after yourself. You should clean up your bodily fluids. Please don’t make the next poor soul after you do it for you – that’s just gross. Let’s call this a pay it forward act.
3. If you go number two in the public restroom, have the common decency to flush frequently. I don’t want smell yours anymore than I want to smell mine.
4. Please don’t have conversations on your cell phone, especially work related. You can detach yourself from your phone long enough to take care of nature’s business. No one wants you to answer the phone mid-stream.
5. Please wash your hands after using the bathroom. And, don’t forget to wipe down the counter if you make a mess so that the person after you doesn’t end up getting a big wet spot on their shirt or pants. As someone who’s tall, I always end up looking like I peed in my pants.  
6. When using paper towels to dry your hands after washing them, please place the paper towel(s) in the garbage. 

If we applied these few rules, the experience of using a public restroom wouldn't be so disgusting!

Where did it come from?

You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach? Kind of like nerves, or excitement, or anticipation. That feeling you get the night before something big or fun? I’ve had this feeling for a few days now, and I’m not sure why. However, don’t let me lead you astray to think I’m complaining – I’m not. It literally makes me happy. A simple feeling that I really can’t place, but it’s nice to have it again. It’s been a while… Miss J reminded that I have a lot going on that is new and exciting. Very true. 

Yes, work is stressful and busy – too many deadlines and unrealistic expectations, but what else is new? I am officially changing roles this month, with less travel, new experiences, and more fulfillment. At least, that’s what I’m hoping for.

Yes, I decided to get a kitten. Mr. Charlie will be coming home on Thursday. I’ll post pictures once he comes home. I know everyone will love him – he’s already loved by so many who know my happy news. He’s adorable and regal all in one.

Yes, it’s the holidays, which puts a smile on my face any time I see pretty lights or people being festive. 

Yes, I got my apartment organized and cleaned in anticipation of Charlie, but also because it really needed it. Who can complain about a clean home that I can actually enjoy?

Yes, I’m running a lot. I’m running the Decker Half Marathon next week with my girls and full on training for the marathon in February. I can’t complain with continuing to advance despite setbacks here and there (aka laziness).

Yes, I’m rebuilding  some of my relationships and building new ones. I still have one that I need to work on but again, progress has been made.

So, yay to that feeling because I need it like air. I need to be reminded of how these little things make my life so special.

I love the holidays, but…

“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas everywhere you go…” in September. I’m not going to dwell on the whole “the holidays start earlier every year” concept. I think we’ve all accepted it at this point, and in some part, embrace it. I love the decorations, the smiles, the secrets, the fun, and the anticipation. I really do love the side conversations I have with people in a grocery aisle or some ridiculously long line. Winter weather makes you want to get cozy; lights twinkle all over; “tis the season to be jolly.”

Inevitably, we all come down with, what I am now going to term, the Holiday Stress Bug. I’m not original – I’m sure someone else has coined a term. Work, school, vacation, family, buying the right presents, settling the plans, food, weight gain, new exercise regimes to curb the weight gain, spending over what you budgeted, other holiday shoppers, incessant Christmas music, finding the best deals, wrapping, travelling, cooking, attending parties… I’m sure there’s more. I love the holidays, but seriously? On top of our regular, stressful lives we tag on more, and we love this!!! Thanksgiving! Christmas! New Years! 5 (6?) weeks of pure insanity. We eat it up every year – I know I do – but goodness! I have a case of the Bug for sure, and now I am starting to understand why some people might not enjoy this festive season as much as I do. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not turning into Scrooge here… I’m just simply coming up with a term for what I’m dealing with. J

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

One Deep Breath

What would this world be like if we all had a bit more understanding for each other? Yes, there are limits to this. (Of course there are, we are humans with these things called emotions.) We wouldn’t want to have a world full of peace treaties, because then we wouldn’t have the excitement of conflicts, fights, wars, etc. I digress.

What I’m trying to get at is that wouldn’t we all benefit from just taking a deep breath instead of having a knee jerk reaction? You gotta give a little to get a little right? Respect is earned and given when you give and work towards respect. It’s a cycle (as so many things in life are). If we were willing to give each other a break for just a second, we might find that we can live a better life.

This is all really independent of environments – work, family, relationships, etc. The thing is that life happens for all of us regardless of what is happening to someone else. What I find is that so many of us carry around baggage (oh, those skeletons are nasty to get rid of) or just some fears. And then, we don’t let go. Sometimes, we grab on to those feelings, and we fester (fester, fester, rot, rot…). We get defensive; we get mad; we get the emotion-flavor of the month.

What if we just took a break, called time-out, said, “Okay,” and just moved on? Wouldn’t we feel better? Couldn't we be just a little bit braver for the next time, a bit lighter, and just a bit happier?

Slipping through my fingers...

Here is my random thought for this morning. (I have a post to write about what I’m thankful for…Yes – I’m behind on that one, since Thanksgiving was 4 days ago. OOPS)

Ok, so honestly – Where does time go? I’m realizing I really am getting older. Usually I somehow mutter something or another, and I just kind of accept it (kind of). It’s life, right? But, these days, there are obvious changes – I don’t get ID’d at a liquor store (SAD); I get referred to being in my late 20s/early 30s versus the assumption that I just finished college (first time ever a woman pegged me as being much older than I am); 10 year high school reunion; my health is changing (enough said); more bills than I care to think about (with age, comes responsibility? or maybe just more expensive tastes); my body can’t handle long, late nights (I need my *sleep*); the amount of grey hair ever present on my head; etc.

Here’s the thing that made me think of all this – I had my glasses on last night, and I looked in the mirror for just a second and literally did a double take. Granted, I don’t wear my glasses often, but I didn’t recognize myself. There was someone else staring at me – I looked so different for that minute. Yes – I looked older.

Mortality is a reality, and I understand that. But I can’t help wonder: where does time go? I’m in my late 20s, and if this is what it feels like now… and everyone says that once you have a family and all that, it goes by faster (This is with the assumption that I find that…)… am I going to wake up one day and feel like my life just flashed by? I don’t think I want to know the answer.

So, I’ll start off my thankfulness for this season with this: I am thankful to be young and have my life in front of me.

Dependency versus Addiction

After my phone issues in recent days, I can’t decide whether I’m dependent on my cell phone or... addicted to it. The line is very thin, and you can cross it easily – either way.

Thursday night, my cell phone refused to boot. It shut down, and I panicked. How can I go out of town without a phone!?! Heaven forbid! It turned on by itself Friday morning. (btw, it’s never a good sign when a “gadget” has a mind of its own). All weekend, I was relieved I didn’t have to deal with the hassle of figuring out a new a phone while on “vacation.” I used it all weekend – Google Maps was my savior.

However, the cell phone shut itself down after the first leg home on Sunday. Well, that was no comfort either. Monday morning without a phone after days away from work? Yikes!!! Plus, I like to call or text my mom to let her know I’ve landed. It’s become automatic. I like to have access to my email – work and personal – at an arms reach. At first, I thought to myself – it’s really okay. I will have a new phone by morning (9 am precisely), and it’s only 15 hours. I let the people who needed to know – I don’t have a cell phone. Oh, and ya, posted something about it on Facebook…

So, I got the phone and yay – I could call again! I am reachable… Next up - emails, contacts… By the time I got my phone up to speed today, I realized… I was anxious all day. Today felt off, and I only felt relieved once I resolved syncing issues. (How can I function if email, calendar, and contacts don’t sync?!?!)

Seriously - I’m curious… am I dependent or addicted? I know some friends admit that they sleep with their phone – it has to be right by them. I do too. And what I described up above? I *know* I'm not the only one who has experienced those emotions. Don't lie - you know you have (at least in some part). We Google everything on our phones not to mention everything else.

Once in a land far, far away, when cell phones didn't exist... we all managed to survive getting lost, getting our work done, keeping in touch with our loved ones, having planners to track our meetings, appointments, notes, lists, keeping updated address books with phone numbers…

Thinking...

This time of the year always seems to generate a lot of thinking for me. No - it's not just the holidays, but about how much this period of the year (mid-November) has an effect on my life.

Let's start with the foundation. My parents met around this time in 1972. Can you believe it? They've known each for *39* years!! I'm grateful for it of course, without them I wouldn't be writing this blog entry; however, I can't even begin to comprehend spending that much time with one other person. Kudos to them but WOW!!!

If things had turned out differently a few years ago, I would have celebrated 4 years in marriage this year. I can't imagine being married right now, especially with all the life experiences I've had since then. What if I *was* married though? I'd maybe have kids or maybe I'd be divorced... who knows? My life would probably be completely different... and honestly - thank goodness it's not.

It goes on and on, with marriages, changes, etc. It makes me wonder what would my life be like if any of those events were different? I committed to change my life and make working out a part of it. I've stuck to that, moreover I've become a runner! The project in Idaho ended about this time last year too. I spent a year and half doing that, and this weekend was at a wedding to celebrate my old roomie's marriage because of that.

And then I realize, over and over again, how wonderful it is that my life has turned out to be the way it is! I'm so lucky. We forget sometimes, especially when we get caught up in the daily grime. So, I thank all the special people in my life for being apart of it.

(((HUGS)))

Race Fever

So, I've been debating for about a week about signing up for the Decker Challenge Half Marathon in December. As a trainee for my second half marathon in January and my first full marathon in February, I keep thinking, "Shouldn't I? It's just another $60 and I have to run 12 or 13 miles that weekend anyways - so why not?! " Yet, it is another $60 to spend, another early morning, and another bit of fear (which I'll get into a different time). So… I can't make up my mind.

When I started running, it was about accomplishing a goal - tracking my time, motivating myself to keep running, and a goal outside of work. The first training plan (10K) was systematic. I admit that by itself was addicting. This is what I love about running - it's a process. During a run, my mind clears in a way nothing else can. I hit mile after mile, and I feel like I've accomplished something every *step* of the way. (Ok - sounds cheesy but it's true!) At the end, my adrenaline flows, and I walk around on this high of accomplishment.

The first race? Capital 10K. I ran it so much faster than I predicted - the people shouting along the way - the music edging me on - mile after mile. My parents and friends met me at the finish line, and I honestly felt like I could conquer the world. I was hooked with race fever. And now, 6 races later, I love races even more. They keep going in a way that running by itself doesn't. I break my own records, and I'm reminded how much I've accomplished with a few extra squats or some "insane" workout regime.

Why now?

So why am I now deciding to create a blog of my own? I'm not really sure. I guess I have decided that on a daily basis I make interesting discoveries or have thoughts of my own that I find I'd like to capture for myself. Call me selfish. I'm at my computer for 8-10 hours a day, so it'd be easier than writing in a diary. Call me lazy.

I do know this much - I really enjoy reading other peoples blogs and seeing how their internal thoughts and experiences shape their lives or even mine. They sometimes make me feel much saner. "Oh so-and-so has that insecurity too!? PHEW - it's not just me!"

You get great crafty ideas from blogs too - knitting blogs are full of insightful ideas. I would have never found that I use a crazy way method of knitting (Combination Knitting), versus the traditional two ways (Continental and English)

Why now? Well, why not?
-M