Monday, September 10, 2012

A Swift Kick in Verizon’s Ass




“I am so pissed off, I’m molting.”

If I could cancel my service with Verizon right now, I would. They pushed me to the edge with their idiocy and leave me with NO choice. I’ve been backed into a corner where the ONLY option I have left is to spend MORE money. Oh, but I digress. Let me share the delightful story.

First off, let me set up the scenario: I share a cell phone plan with my Mama and Brother. It’s easier for everyone for multiple reasons, and we’ve been doing that for over 2 years.

So, about 6 weeks ago (mid-July), my Mama and I entered Verizon to get her an iPhone. Finally, she was eligible for a phone that wasn’t ridiculously simple or one that she’d be embarrassed by!!!

Well, of course, Verizon had just enacted a new rule as of June 28th that REQUIRES a cell phone plan change when we get a new data phone. Of course. At face value, our price would go up $10, we’d have better options for minutes and data. Ok. Fine. $10 doesn’t seemingly break the bank. I was assured that a “similar” discount would be applied. Uh huh. But, somehow, I always knew there was a catch.

So, do any of you have a price breakpoint? You have a flag of a certain price range of what you expect to pay… But when you pass that point, you go ballistic. That was me today. I lost it.

Let me summarize what’s the root of the problem:
The bill is now officially $20 more. My corporate “discount” has decreased from $27 a month to $14. It’s the new “price structure,” and they can’t do ANYTHING about it.  

Ok – so what’s the big deal? Cell phone companies rip us all off. They are all Satan lovers. Well – they have to be, I suppose, since Satan must be their Daddy. They have no choice but to worship Daddy. And, as in every other family, each child has their "special traits." (Thanks Eric!)

Here’s the problem: Verizon’s customer service and the “options” they gave me. That’s the big deal.

(the below dialogue is obviously skimmed but please enjoy!)

First Verizon Rep: Left me on hold “searching” for her supervisor.

……………hang up, redial.

Second Verizon Rep: Well, ma’am, I understand your concerns. I can talk you through options. I’m looking at your account now. Oh, well, it looks like you’re not using all of your data. We could lower your plan to the lower data limit (4GB to 2GB).
Me: What’s the price difference?
Rep: $10.
Me: (already calculating the difference) That doesn’t help me at all because then my discount goes down…
Rep: Ok, so your new bill will be X.
(Automatically I realize its $2 more - before taxes I might add.)
Me: And that is $2.00 more than what my bill is now, with less data.
Rep: Erg, wait, let me check my calculation…
Me: You’re offering me an option that I pay more money for less data?!
Rep: Yes, It looks like my calculation was correct. Ok, I guess that isn’t an option.
Me: I want my old discount back.
Rep: I’d be happy to go back to your old plan.
Me: I can’t. We just discussed that I bought a new data phone… Ugh, I want to file a complaint. I need to speak with your supervisor.
Rep: I’d be happy to connect you. Just let me place you on hold …

……………10 minutes passes

Supervisor: Hi Miss Lang. I understand you have some concerns about your bill. How can I be of assistance?
Me: (rant about the same thing). I want to file a complaint.
Supervisor: Well, I can offer you one other option. However, you may not like this option.
Me: Ok?
Supervisor: We can take you back to the old plan but then you would have to pay full retail price for the phone you just bought.
Me: Ok, so now you’re asking me to lose more money because I’ll save $20 a month, but I’ll spend $650+ for the full retail price of the iPhone. Seriously?
Supervisor: Yes, ma’am. It appears so. This is an option that I can offer you because you’re in the window where I can reverse the change.

I won’t elaborate anymore. You get the picture. The two options that were given would cost me more money. Great. I hung up the phone, filing a complaint with a company that I bet will not ever follow up.